i collapsed

I called up my supervisor this morning to tell her that i cannot go to ampang point for next week's outlet training due to transportation problem, the 3rd time i dealed with her. Then she said all the training program schedule of mine also must based on her boss . so i have my supervisor and my supervisor's supervisor .but shouldn't she know this schedule is totally upside down with what she said previously ? her boss should be informed that im only able and agreed to go midvalley , no other, from the choices given before, sgwang/bandar utama/ klcc only . how does ampang point comes out ? i know, the training is depending on the trainer and availability of outlet spaces . yet if this is not within my convenient and ability to go, so this is not my problem . I don't think my sv should decide like this without discussion and expected i would have to endure . and in the end this becomes my problem. it should not be , am i ?

Then i called my lecturer who in charge of practical this morning and told her about the ampang point's issue , i cannot calm down myself , i don't know why i did such stupid thing in front of my lecturer , i remembered my lecturer did asked me am i happy o not . i said i am not happy and i cannot control my tears . I had called a lots of ppl today ,my coursemates , my secondary school mates, my friends , seniors etc.. i don't know how many of them know my true feelings , either is my company treats me like a ball or taking advantage , or i'm stubborn and just want to follow my heart , or u may say that i am obstinate . but i know i am not happy .

It is not because the colleagues are not good , there r 3 staffs in the dept exclude my supervisor , 2 young chinese n 1 malay man . It is not the outlet trainer shouted , blamed or bad to me . It is not the environments are bad . I just feel lonely and helpless to be alone there . Is this the transition period , and i have endured . But it did give me bad impression about their training program to a food science intern . i know all things will happen in sudden and we never can predict the real life . i clear about all that . But when come to choose a happier life to pass , why i could not make it happen ? Can i choose atleast i have coursemates pass with me during the whole practical and i am not alone ? But ppl and real life told me that i cannot follow my heart . But this makes me suffer . i cannot sleep , i have gastric and i like soulless when i'm working .I couldn't tell anyone about all .

In afternoon , my supervisor replied me that i don't have to go ampang point next week . I will skip all the outlet's training and based in factory only . It seems problem solved . But , now i doubted , will this affect the evaluation during end of the day ? Will she or her boss on the last day say that due to my own problem / my own transportation problem , i make myself lose the chance to undergo the training in outlet , so the mark will be influenced . Should i take the risk ? How should i get this confirmation ? Should i ask her ? but i know my SV's type is aggressive , and all the time , she actually cannot promise me anything . She is not the boss . So how about me ? i am just an intern and i am a student . I just wan to score A in my practical . What if i dint score A when i choose to endure in this company , and at the same time i am not happy ? who can guarantee me then ?

Can u see what is happening clearly right ? I know there is also some advices saying that if i changed to another com , my lecturer also will influence the score but i will ask her opinion tml . And i will sia sui UKm foodscience in this company . But there is no record previously that ukm student went into it . This is actually the risk that i took when i decided to go in . Maybe i just in here less than week ,and i never stay in factory yet and i cannot justify that it is not good , but as i asked from seniors who been in other companies , as a foodscience course internship program , it is not like this way . Or i missed something or they skipped something that i expected they will do logically , such as brief me on the whole program that i will go through , allowance , rules etc ? This is what i mean by the bad impression on the 1st day and the only day i been in the factory . I feel very insecure after they directed me to midvalley on this week and ampang point on next week . It makes me feel like , they don't have proper internship program for student , as i asked how about the 3rd and 4th week , her answer is don't know yet . I'm not sure is this the program they have, but i am sure what am i doing now , is the training together with their franchisee, of course, a QC should know all that before they execute their tasks. I know when i go other bakery factories , i also make the bread , bake , pack , label , and everything ... but it seems that others are more closely to what a foodscience students do . I am clueless . If this is a propre training, i think this is an unstable and lack of properness of training, isn't it ?

The first time i feel so directionless , i am weak chick , i am so desperate ... or i have to break my principle to stay a happy life because in real , there is realistic besides joy .. i'm confuse..