Who's on the line

Sunday, January 1, 2017

To me 2016

I try....

I did not try. I abandoned this blog. I should have continue since my last post, where I went to Europe in 2016. But I didn't.

A wrap up for 2016 is a must. 2016 has been very pleasant yet tough to me. Full of drama in works, personal, and health.

It started with the announcement where I was the best performer in 2015 and the reward was a trip to Berlin. Definitely the proud moment in my life and I never expect this came to me. A Libra like me always believe in equality and aspire to be equally good to others all my life in whatever I do. But this is definitely a gift from God. I made the wish and He heard me. I make this wish again and I know he hears me.

2016 was a very tough and competitive year for work. A lots of changes in people and matters. Filled with self-doubts, inner conflicts. Everyday when I woke up, the only thing I pray to God that it is a beautiful day, please grant me the strength to embrace all challenges.

I am grateful that all the people in my workplaces are so supportive in all my executions and requests. I have been very demanding and set very high expectations to myself. I am being very harsh to myself, indirectly to the people who work with me. But they really love me with all hearts, without questioning me, without hesitation, they pull me up when I was down. They hold my hand when I was lost.

Then finally the trip came.

This is the photo I like the most however I only realized it was badly taken when I got back because I was f'cking tipsy already when I did this selfie. It was half past one in the morning, it was really throwing an insane party. This place, witnessed and marked my success. I couldn't express more my feelings and it still causing turbulence in my mind every time I relook the photo.
That's mate from aussie. photobombed checked. and we continued the party till 3am+ .. it was about 18C. More alcohols were essentia to keep warm. 

After being a princess in Berlin, I started my solo wanderlust. I have no fear or excitement prior to the trip because I am kind of the person who is happy go lucky. I only feel honored, blessed, grateful for being the winner of the award. But right after the dinner ceremony, that oh I did really f*cking well huh .... sort of .. the theme song was shine like a diamond. Only I found out that I am rare and highly appreciated like a diamond. >.<

I went to Prague -Vienna - Bratislava, I strolled randomly on the street everyday, all I relied on was my phone and data connection. Not a typical tourist that doing the map hunting for all the tourist spots. In Prague, I walked from my hostel to the castle, in fact I can use the tram. And most stupid thing I did was I bought the ticket, and I only use for one single trip for all day because I didn't know which station to hop on and hop off.  Of course, the destination always can be reach by walking, a lots of WALKING. And second day onwards, I never buy any day pass.

Very beautiful city. I would come back to Prague again.

In Vienna, I did cafe hopping ( yeah sounds wasting money and time, like a boss). I just had a cup of hot chocolate and a piece of cake and spent few hours in one of the famous cafe in the town. I enjoy gazing, observing, and listened how the local people live their life, speaking in their language, maybe gossiping their neighbor, dogs etc. I look at the people rushing off from work, tourists tried to find some landmarks at the square, family with the toddlers and pets crossing the roads and the light was turning red. The father was wearing suit and the mother was wearing heels, he was holding a toddler with one hand and the other hand was pushing the stroller. She was carrying her breastmilk bag and the little chiwawa was just following the master closed behind. And I was sipping my hot chocolate.

That's what I do when I'm traveling.

solo breakfast time, dinner and beer time in neighborhood shops

I spent a lots of time at Gloriette schonbrunn in Vienna. The scenery was amazing and breathtaking. The weather was just fantastic. It was a bit warm but bearable. Lay on the green field, looking at the clear blue sky, sometimes it was windy. I almost fall aslept here.

This is the St Stephen Cathedral, Vienna. I made a very nasty wish, God never grant me the wish. And he had answered me.

I did not feel lonely as solo traveler. It was adventurous and everyday I was so excited to meet new people. I made some friends from the backpacker hostel and airbnb. They were just like me, first time solo traveling. The only time I feel lonely was when I was going to sleep. I was missing someone so bad, and wonder if he miss me the same. Because of time zone and limited internet access, it was very difficult for us to stay in touch. For some moments, I have self-doubts , mental insecurity and weak thing. Anyway he was no longer by my side but always in my mind. Stucked in me, or I just cannot let go yet.

I bought a souvenir for myself for this achievement unlocked.

No elaboration needed.

Back to home ground not long later, was really overwhelmed with work and relationship. Work tension made me easily emotional, and I had not realize I brought the emotion to the people that I love.

It was then my health was compromised. I have anticipated that this day would come. And it came. I took it easily. Not a very big issue. But only when I was recovering, I only realized it can be very cancerous. Thank God for abundance blessings and protection. I am almost recover by now. I was depressed post surgery, perhaps due to hormone disturbances, I am not sure. I wish to see them, who gives me mental support. I wish I can gain back my health before operation. I was just so weak and emotional. And he never come.
The emotional level was totally negative and unbearable than the pain from the internal wound.

Everyday I asked God, if this is the challenge he gave me. Is this the punishment he wanted to give me for all my sins. I asked for God to forgive me, I embraced whatever happened to me and if God can accept me, to love me again.

I met a few of them who are genuine and I am so blessed that God brought me to them. I am so grateful to know these people and they inspired me a lot, in relationship, friendship, works and personal.
I lost person who loved me and I love so much too, I pray to God if He can bring them back to me  by my side. Everything will be alright. Just come back and we can move on and fix it. And I still asking and praying to God everyday.

In the beginning of 2017, I pray to God for all my demanding wishes. I know God hears it and he will answer. All I need to do is ask , be patience and be faithful.

Dear God, thank you for a wonderful 2016, thank you for loving me unconditionally. Please continue to watch over me and my loves one, let good health, happiness, prospers befall us. in jesus name amen.
 2017 please be good. Keep me pretty, happy and loving everyday.


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