2013的另一半

2013的一半，另一半的新一页即将开始。回顾这半年，高潮迭起，不如意的事一波接一波，完全没有时间去思想要怎么解决上一个问题，下个难题已等恭候 。

也许年纪大了，顾虑多了，很多决定都不能大无畏地去执行。不如往常地潇洒自如，不如年少轻狂地任性。。

友人说读书的光阴真好，一年前的我也说过同样的话，一年后的我听到同样的话却有不同的心境去体会。死心眼的我应该雀跃地说，真想回到学生时期啊。今天的我却没有，开始发现学历只是让你起步的一张通行证，当然一张高评价的通行证会让你通行地比较畅顺，可是还是有例外。

新的环境如我预期地体会我预料的 ，人情冷暖，奉承阿谀。接触不同阶层的人，看到极端两面的人，活得如此自如。

最典型的莫过于自我感觉良好的人，最多。是我太天真，都活在自己的世界，自以为只要默默耕耘，做好本份，总有收成的一天。其实，并不需要，不需要让自己太累，不需要太本领，不需要利用太多时间去拼搏，懂得利用手腕，上位其实就指日可待了。

太扯了吧，你想？ 所以大家都说我太天真了。

当我看到这些活生生地上演着， 我不寒而栗。 我害怕有一天变成那样，我只想默默地做好本份，不想参与这些政治游戏，每天上演不同的话剧。

除了工作，生活的不如意十有八九，最近觉得活得像傀儡，任人摆布。我想，我是不是应该为自己安排，我可以一个人生活，我可以。。？也许是我也懒得去整理我自己，就让别人去主宰我的来去。

我把自己压抑到最低点，不让别人看见，我忍住不去麻烦别人，即使是很小的事情罢了。
我害怕别人对我关心，但是却渴望被关心。

最近的夜里，我都有一个期待。可是我又渐渐发现，别人并不和我一样。一次，两次，好了，这次我比上次敏捷了，早知早觉了。其实彼此都清楚，而我都是被动的。其实我们都怕深陷太深，而我只想活在当下，不想理会那些我们都不知的未来。我们只是在对的时间碰上对的人做着对的事情。

于是我把我的欲望忍住，告诉自己不要依赖他人,不要贪恋他人。如别人所说。。我是可以一个人，一直以来都是这样..

我昨晚发现一位友人很不可思议的一件事 。。 让我觉得，人生如戏。。好讽刺。。

然后这样的深夜，我发现没有人让我倾诉。。。 于是我一直醒着到天亮。。和孤独的深夜和寂寞的空气对峙了一个夜晚。。

到现在，那欲望还是很强烈。。越来越强烈。。

New journey begins

I think it has been some time that I try to be conservative to talk about my new job .. I joined a MNC not long ago .. not many of my friends knew about it as well except really intimate one


Fill full of uncertainties when I quit from previous job, fear and lost , lack of feeling of securities , emptiness in life .. etc

I have one two seconds where I struggled where to go , eventually I followed my heart and let god leads me to where I belong , which is here .

It is a job that people keep encourage me to go for it a year ago , yet also people ask me to think twice before go for it .

It is a good experience and exploration, so far I am happy with everything, working environment is good, people are friendly, opportunities to travel in and out of M'sia, everything is just nice . Give and take .

I just recently told two three friends of mine that money is never your 1st concern when you have a mind of changing job, of course, there must be slightly better offer if you decide to join new company.

Besides better money, job advancement, your passion and aspiration are the power drive you behind. Without passion, double or triple pay will not keep you long in the new environment . It will never last. You will feel hatred eventually because you realize you are just blinded by the initial good money but you lose your quality life.


Yet, it does not mean you do not deserve such good figure of pay, because your value reflects your capability What a corporate has is money , and they want talent. They never stingy about pay, because you worth it . . When you ask for below average pay, people may lose confident in you and doubt about your capability.
Don't get me wrong that  I am encouraging you to ask for unreasonable high pay, but just about your market value, if they want you, they will talk to you. Don't be inferior , believe in yourself and follow your heart.

Money or job satisfaction, both are equally important. On top of that, life quality may take into consideration. I am contented because I own all at the moment , plus a group of lovely colleagues .