life is miserable

i feel sorrow ... i'm sorry to my beloved friends and lecturers .. i know
i am rude, out of control, stubborn and ego..

only those who know me, they got my points and see my problems clearly.

i am so sorry to be childish and frustrated in front of my lecturers ..

before i can say my problem my tears came 1st ... i know it looked silly like an idiot to cry in front of you, since the nightmare started until current... you should understand very well than anyone why such incident happened to me ... i am so sorry to make others have wrong perceptions on me ... or i used to pretend myself very well in the school .. i am not positive, im not outgoing, im not active, im not as good as i thought ..

i know it is a pea matter ...but i couldn't relieve .. i feel burdened

i know the world is unfair ..

i know this unfairness fall on me now ..

im not cheerful, im not positive .. i don't need to pretend everything will go fine, i don't need to pretend that i will stay strong, i am weak now .. i don't need to smile and tell everybody that i'll be okay .. i'm fatigue to pretend .. that i am good .. im not good at all ..

i couldn't ask why

why did not i deserve?

why am i useless?

why i expected ?

why do i must be positive ?

why couldn't I cry like there is no tomorrow?

why couldn't I feel weak? i am tired ..

i wish i could run away .. but i couldn't ..

it was really disheartening .. no matter how i dressed up..  i can't hide the sorrow from inside

and you are definitely chee bye !